Today is a sofa day as opposed to an office day. My arthritis is really playing up, so rather than spending the day sat on an office chair (that isn't even an office chair, it is a dining room chair because I can't afford an ofice chair yet), I have set myself up on the sofa with my laptop.
This means a much slower running machine, one that occasionally is typing words about ten seconds behind me... But I type pretty fast anyway, so I can let it off. Besides, my sofa is comfy.

Anyway, this means that my background noise today is not music, it is the TV. And, having been thinking about it since I went to an all-night marathon at BFI IMAX a couple of weeks ago, I have decied that mybackground noise should be the documentaries from the LotR boxset. Now, we all know how good the films are, and those of us that want to have already watched the documentaries, so we know how interesting they are. That is not what came to mind...
What came to mind while I've been half watching them/half writing, was a memory from a year or so ago.
I was in London, I can't remember why. It was during the day, so I might have been shopping fo something, or it might have been when I headed down to the National Book Fair last year for my birthday. Anyway, I was on the tube, and I saw a little girl and her father sat opposite me. I say little girl, she must have been twelve or thirteen. She had a long ponytail, glasses, and a 'Hello Kitty' satchel, and she was reading The Two Towers. 
She turned to her Dad and pointed to a passage in the book, and said, "See, this is the bit in the film where the elves show up, but in the book that doesn't happen."
Her Dad looked at her, looked around the train, and then looked at the book, "Put that away" was all he said.

I wanted to jump across the carriage and throttle him. He clearly has the most awesome daughter in the world, but he was embarassed by her... And she will feel that much deeper than he could possibly realise.
At that point I have never wanted kids of my own more, so that I could encourage their interests and help them grow in an environment that let them know they could read/watch/do anything they wanted to, and I would always be proud of them.
That feeling still resides inside me. It is still going to be at least a year or so before me and Nem think about doing it, but when we do I am going to be so excited.

Now, in the most ugly and clunky segway ever, I'm going to talk about Nem's birthday.

Last year's birthday was a bit of a bust, due to some terrible financial problems. This year also had terrible financial problems, but I wanted to make sure she had a good time as it has been a rough year. So, with her birthday being on the Thursday, she booked the Thursday and Friday off work, so that we had lots of time.
The Wednesday night before, her Mum and Stepfather took us out for dinner, and that was a really good night. When we first got together (just over two-and-a-half years ago) her Stepfather really didn't seem to like me at all, but somewhere along the way things have really got good. She got some cash as a present, and we ate a lot of Indian food (well, Bangladeshi food). Turns out the Spice Lounge in Dunstable is actually a really good restaurant and I had the most awesomely hot curry, made with Naga chillis, which are probably my favourite chillis.
On the day itself we headed up to Milton Keynes. Between having some of her money put to one side, a chunk of cash from me that I had put to one side for her birthday present that she couldn't make a decision on, and the cash from her parents, she had a lot of money for a proper birthday blowout. She bought an awful lot of clothes, and we had some good food, and got to go to the cinema to see Inglorious Basterds.
It is a film that has gottne a lot of bad reviews, almost every one I have read has indicated that it is proof that Tarentino has lost his way, and that the film was a diabolical mess.
I loved it.
I think it is the best film he has made since Pulp Fiction. (not counting Four Rooms, as he only made a quater of a film there).
I think that the film is a fantastic homage to an era of film-making that was at its best ridiculous, and there are moments in the film where I was bent over double because I was laughing so hard... But the fact that me and Nem were the only people in the entire cinema that were laughing goes to show that it is not a film that everyone will get. Moments like that remined me of watching Big Bang Theory, and cracking up at a Schrodinger's Cat joke, only to realise I was they only guy in the room that got it.
Also, the dialogue was superb. He has always had a knack for being able to juxtapose dialogue that seems like complete drivel with gut wrenching violence... only for you to then look back and realise that the dialogue actually foreshadowed what was about to come.
A lot of people will disagree with me, but I think the man is still a genius.
The Friday was spent getting ready for her party, which happened that night. There was a really good turnout, and she felt very loved, which was fantastic. It went on 'til the early hours, and from what I can gather everyone had a good time. I spent a large chunk of the evening looking for an envelope, but that is a different story. And Stoobert spent most of the evening trying to conduct market research for his idea to open a record store, a-la High Fidelity, in Dunstable, only for it to turn into an intervention with everyone trying to inform him of the best way to do things. Hopefully he managed to take away some of the good advice he got.
Saturday was entirely lazy, and then Sunday was spent in the cinema:

Funny People was not the film the trailer indicated. From Judd Apatow, and starring Adam Sandler and Seth Rogen as stand-up comedians, everyone would be forgiven walking in expecting a hilarious ride. Now, you get some good jokes in there, some of the stand-up routines shown are fantastic, but the majority of the film is an emotional rollercoaster. It grabs you by the heart, and plunges you deep into the ice cold depression that so many comedians have to live with each and every day. The harsh reality of the film is in one hand a breath of fresh air, and in the other almost too much to handle. Still... It was mostly fantastic.

District 9 was also a lot more emotional than expected. The journey taken by lead character Wikus is gripping and pulls you between wanting to cry for him and wanting to bash in his face with a baseball bat, and the open commentary on racism provided by the plot is deliberately hard to ignore.
What is almost as impressive is the way it has been made o look like a summer blockbuster on (what is these days) a paltry budget of $30million. Two thumbs up, and worth watching even if you aren't a big Sci-Fi fan.

All in all, a pretty good weekend.

TV-wise, last night we finished watching the first season of Castle, so I'll write something up about that in the next couple of days. for now I will leave you with my thoughts on the last couple of books I have finished, as both are well worth a read...

'The Name of the Wind' by Patrick Rothfuss.
Superb book, I haven't felt this good about finishing a debut since I finished Wizard's First Rule.
Some people have been calling this an 'adult Harry Potter', and I can see where they are coming from as there are parallels to be drawn, but I think that the description does not do the book justice.
While there are similarities in the plot (Boy goes to magical university to learn to become a great man), this book stands apart from the Potter books in two fundemental ways.
1) The frame of Kvothe telling his story is great, and the way that we are occasionally brought back into the 'present' as either things happen to disrupt the story, or simply we are made to question the way a mythos is build around a hero, all works fantastically.
2) Rothfuss' writing is beautiful. While Rowling created a rich world, and told a cracking story, her use of language has always been functional at best, ham-fisted at worst. Rothfuss has created a fully realised world, tells an even darker yet more uplifting story, and has a full grasp of how to use the language in a way that makes you feel part of the story, sat in the bar yourself, eavesdropping. He never over-describes anything, nor does he pad out with needless plot holes.
Put simply, if you're looking for a new fantasy author to check out, then you really can't go wrong.

'The Blade Itself' by Joe Abercrombie
Not the read I was expecting it to be... This book is to an extent one long lesson in characterisation. Each character is very well drawn out, and you are allowed inside their heads, but that is essentially all that the book does.
There is very little in terms of plot, with events simply unfolding in front of you through the character's eyes. Now, this is no bad thing, as it provides a very interesting read. And, with this being the first in a trilogy, I presume it to be setting up the following books, which I look forward to reading. However, it does leave the ending feeling slightly anti-climactic, and I really didn't feel like I had finished reading a book of such word-weight.
That aside, I need to again praise the characters, not just our central three, but each of the more side-characters are all fleshed out in such style, and the world is drawn out so well, that the whole experience feels like the best introduction to the mind of Abercrombie that it could possibly be.

... is a tricky subject. I've never really been overly bothered about health, it is just one of those things that I always assumed would sort itself out, kind of like money and women. I have been proven wrong on all counts to be honest, but it took me a lot longer to realise that I needed to actually work on my health.

For the entire length of my childhood and teenage years I was a skinny guy... I ate five times a day, and at 18 I still looked like this...



The guy in the middle, wihth the incredibly angular face and the spindly arms. That was me. I fucking loved that top too, I think I used to wear if two or three times a week, I was convinced that it made me look edgy or some other shit.
Anyway, I hated being skinny. It was awesome being fairly athletic, and I was uber-fit, which helped with my basketball, but I hated being over 6ft tall, but only being about 9st. I ate like a beast, I worked out, I tried that bulk-up shit you get in Holland & Barrett, nothing worked, and it wasn't going to until my metabolism sorted itself out.

Through my twenties I actually put on weight. I worked in a bar, and was an alcoholic for quite a while, which for some reason got me up to 11st-12st, and that was kinda cool. Then I gave up the drink, changed jobs a few times, and eventually got a musical career going. When Phonic was going good and on the rise I was looking pretty good...



I fucking well was the daddy. That picture was in the summer of 2005, Phonic had just completed our first week-long tour (The Scream Tour, six or seven Scream pubs in eight days, it was good), and we were playing at Hoofest, a one-day festival at Luton Hoo. There are some little love handles there, but I was in good shape and very physically fit. I was about 14st and felt the best I ever have.
The following month we embarked on our second tour, and I still even looked good naked...



Fuck, That run of Coventry/Rushden/Leicester is still the best time I have ever had in a band, that whole weekend was packed with awesome shows, great crowds, and good times. But I digress. I also got really ill on that tour, and my doctor informed me that my life long diet of just eating junk food had completely killed my immune system. So, while we were in the studio at the end of 2005 recording our album, I completely changed my diet and got a lot healthier.
The band had a good run that lasted another two years after that, but the end of 2006 brought two things that had a direct effect on my weight:
1) I met Nem, and we started dating. There are thousands of good things to be said about having a solid relationship, the one bad thing is that 99% of people will end up letting themselves go a little bit as they get comfortable.
2) I tore my ACL, or for the layman, I completely fucked up my knee. I had to spend six months on crutches, and got quite a bit depressed about it. The long term affects were that I couldn't go on four to five mile walks like I usually did, and that spending Friday nights down The Edge dancing like a madman for five hours was a thing of the past. In fact, it was dancing that had directly led to the injury.

I started to put on weight, and over the next year the band split up which meant I wasn't out touring and expelling energy that way, and then I was diagnosed with Rhumatoid Arthritis which gave me an excuse to stop exercising entirely. I Started uni, and let myself get into a lot of bad habits...



This is me asleep at Download this summer.






This is me now, in the studio a week or so ago recording a single.Now, of course I am still sexy as hell, I mean, just look at that beard. By also look at that belly, it is just wrong. I have balooned to over 19st, and it really isn't a good thing. I'm not that bothered about the aesthetic thing - in fact quite a few people say that I look a lot better with the weight on me, I do agree that it suits my face better, and all my family think that I look healthier (apart from my Dad, who knows all too well how unhealthy it is to be so overweight), but I am really unfit with it. I can get out of breath easily, and I sweat like a pig. These things are not sexy.
I've had a couple of stabs already at loosing the weight, but diets are a terrible thing that I can't stick to, and I've always used the arthritis as an excuse not to excercise. But with this new start, in a positive place, and with the novel underway... I have started a new regime, and a simple one. I made a couple of changes to my diet three weeks ago, but nothing too big so I don't feel like I am dieting, and yesterday morning was the first morning of my excercise routine. Jog, sit-ups, and weights before shower and breakfast... and all this before 9am so that I can have a whole day of writing ahead of me.
It is absolutely killing me, when I am finished the exercise (at about 8ish) both mornings I have curled into a ball in my office and couldn't tell if I wanted to cry or throw up, but this is just light excercise so that tells me how important it is that I keep it up. The last thing I want is to get my professional life together, and get all my shit going good, only to drop dead of a heart attack at 35. Hard work = good things.

Until later monkey fans.

I haven't seen the film yet, but I certainly intend to this week, either Tuesday or Wednesday, depending on whichever day i see Daddy Dearest. Zooey = Nik in love.

Anyway, it has been one-hundred-and-fourty-one days of real summer since I have updated this wonderfully non-journalistic tool ("You're a non-journalistic tool!") and it would appear that is a long time. I have been bugged by both Nem and Katie to get this thing updated, and that is nothing compared to the grief I have been giving myself. However, it has been a long summer and things have not exactly been fun. So, here I am, ready to catch up on the joyfun of my life.

Fuck it, I'm gonna have to put in a cut here, otherwise people are going to bitch - so under the cut you will find information of the following:

1) The mess that is me and my summer.
2) What is going on with me now,

a) Musically.
b) Uni-wise.
c) In general.

3) Where I am headed with this life-shaped thing from now on.
4) Maybe some opinions on films and books, depending on what mood I am in.


( Here we go... )

The third in the 'On' trilogy.

I started blogging, way back when, as a release. I had all manner of black bile that had built up in me over the years, and one day my head just popped - so I started writing it all down. I've never really been one for opening up to people and talking about my problems, so blogging became a way of me trying to call out for help without actually having to talk to anyone.
For ages I used MySpazz to do this, and it helped me work through a lot of stuff that was going on around the time I had my meltdown. Then, when my life was back on track, I migrated from there to here, and started this journal which is slightly more upbeat. Occasionally I may have a rant, but mostly I just like talking about how things are going - sometimes that involves drinking my own poo, but most of the time it is pretty swell.

However, I never really covered a lot of what made me the man I am today. While I may be all different shades of awesome, there is still a lot of me that is often down on myself. I live, kind of like a set of Russian dolls. Inside me there is a very confident man, due to my inherent knack of being able to pick up anything I want to... But that man is smothered by a little boy who believes he is no good for anything, that he is worse than scum, that he is a black hole that sucks all the cool from the room... that boy protects himself by holding up a shield of arrogance, one that leads to many people hating him even more for entirely different reasons... And that shield is tempered by some occasionally smooth harm, and lashings of self-depricating humour.

These layers have built up over the years as different ways of dealing with what life has thrown at me - none of them were healthy ways of doing things, but I never knew any better so I just kept re-inventing myself over and over again in the hope that one day people would like me.

So, following on from the blog theory, I started to write about myself. Starting at the beginning, and my childhood, I wrote about as many memories that I could muster, in the hope of stumbling across some answers when I started to open those doors. It has been quite obviously cathartic, and has helped me figure out 'me' quite a bit.
Also, this weekend, it became one half of a very odd coincidence.

To explain properly, here is one of the many memories I have written in the last year...


Put your money where your mouth is

I walk out of the classroom and cross the corridor, arriving at the row of pegs assigned to our class. My coat lies on the floor. Above it, on the peg that I had used at the end of lunch, is someone else’s coat. This means that mine has been lying on the floor for two hours. The pegs are allocated to names - there are twenty-six children in my class, and twenty-six pegs, set out in alphabetical order, for us all to hang our coats on. The system is simple. Whoever it is that has replaced my coat with theirs either doesn’t know the alphabet, or cannot spell their own name. Or just doesn’t care.
I look at the empty pegs, there are two. Brownie is near the beginning of the alphabet, and is sick today. The other empty peg is three to the left from mine, I remove the coat that is on my peg and move it to the free slot, the one marked Putney.
‘Don’t touch my coat, Dick’
My name is a dream come true for people like this. Nick rhymes with insults like dick, sick, prick, and thick. It also rhymes with kick, which happens often. Scott rhymes with snot, which is enough in it’s own right, but when everyone found out I watched Star Trek too, all of a sudden beam me up Snotty became the abuse of choice.
Putney, however, doesn’t have imagination. I would like to say that he is stupid, or that he comes from a bad family, or he is unpopular and is lashing out. But no, his family seem to have a lot of money, and no problems. He actually gets good test results; he is just lazy in class. And he has no troubles with gaining friends, without even having to resort to force - the cool people just like him, and he has even kissed a couple of the girls, including Annalise.
Instead, the reason Putney is the way he is, is because he is big. He is the tallest kid in the class by a good couple of inches, and at our age that is a lot. I am the second tallest, and everyone hates me, so he thinks he has to prove on a regular basis that he is better than me.
‘What did I just say?’ He pushes me hard. I stumble slightly and drop his coat. This is perhaps not my wisest choice of action.
I try to ignore what is going on; I try to float out of myself like they do on the TV when things like this happen. Putney loses his temper, shoves me up against the wall and starts to shout at me. I can’t hear what he is saying, I have blocked him out by thinking about getting home. When I do I can have peanut butter sandwiches, and watch M.A.S.K, followed by Grange Hill. Then I can watch whatever soaps Mum wants to watch, before going to bed. And then, I can wake up early and watch Jayce & the Wheeled Warriors before having to come here and put up with this all over again. I shouldn’t have to put up with this at all. No-one else has to put up with it, how come I have to?
‘GET THE FUCK OFF ME’
Putney is on the floor; apparently I have pushed him over. He is sitting there with a look of shock on his face. I am trembling, my hands are bunched in fists and the insides of them hurt from how hard my nails are digging in. This has never happened before; I have never stood up for myself.
‘Don’t . . . Fucking . . . Touch . . . Me . . . Ever . . . Again’ I whisper, scared to really test my voice. For the first time I can actually see a future that doesn’t involve being bullied and I am overwhelmed by what has just happened. Putney just sits there - it is obvious he wants to say something, but he must not know what it is. I want him to say sorry, not just for the jacket, but for everything. I want him to apologise for my life, I want him to tell me I am cool, and tell everyone else that I am cool, and I want to finally be accepted by everyone. I want to not be a freak anymore, I want to be one of the cool kids and I want Annalise and all the other girls to actually talk to me.
What I don’t want is to cry, but that is what I do. I slide down the wall, curl up on the floor and start heaving instead of breathing normally. I burst into tears in the worst way, I leak from every inch of my face, and every time I attempt to get myself together it just makes me feel worse. I scratch at the floor, at my arms, hoping against hope that somehow I can find a way to be anywhere but here, anyone but me.
Putney stands up, and laughs out loud. Every time he does it just makes me cry harder. He picks up his jacket and puts it on, then he picks up mine and drops it on top of me. I welcome the cover, and hide my face from the crowd that surrounds me until every last one of them has left. Then, and only then, can I let myself go home.



On Friday night I went out to celebrate my birthday with a night on the town. Some of my friends are pub people, some of them are club people, and most are happy to do both. So I let everyone know that I would be heading to the pub at about 8pm, and at about 11pm I would head onto a club - and people could have a drink with me at either, or they could join me for the whole jolly jaunt.
Many people came out, I drank very heavily, and pretty much all the ingredients were there for what should have been one of the best nights of my life - I was surrounded by friends all night, including some that I haven't seen in a while and miss terribly. The DJ at the club dedicated about 45 straight minutes of music to me, playing a chunk of New Jack Swing goodness, even though it is an alternative club. I should, right now, be talking about how amazing it was.
Instead, I am rather torn up inside for one simple reason.

At about 11.30pm, not long after I arrived at the club, Matthew Putney walked straight past me on his way to the bar.
Before I had even thought about it I had grabbed his arm. Common sense would dictate that I should leave the whole thing alone, but because I had recently dragged everything up by writing the above, it happened without me thinking about it. The above story is simply one of many occasions similar, and he essentially became a talisman, a symbol of everything I had to put up with at school.
So I stopped him, and asked him if he was who I thought he was. His face was burned into my brain, so of course I was right, but he had no idea who I was. This came as no surprise, as we actually haven't been in the same room as each other since 1991, when we were both 11 and left junior school. I told him my name, and he immediately then knew who I was.

This I wasn't expecting.

What I was expecting was for it to have been a struggle to remind him who I was. I was expecting to have built up all those childhood memories, but for it to have meant nothing to him, I was just another kid to him. I was expecting to have to shout at him, unleash some of my pent up fury onto him, and remind him exactly how much of a mess he created.

Instead he just looked at me, said "Shit, Nicky Scott", shook my hand and told me he was sorry. No provocation whatsoever, he didn't even need time to process my name - he just apologised, straight off the bat, for treating me like shit for so many years.

We caught up a little bit, had a beer together, and he told me about spending the last 7 years over in the Middle East, being the good little soldier boy that he is now. He was a really nice guy.

So I find myself torn up entirely. On one hand - I didn't, and never will, get the closure I would have wanted from such a situation. So much violence in my childhood invariably leads to wanting an emotional and fierce encounter to wrap everything up. On the other hand - I got a heartfelt apology, and that is the important thing. He has become a good man, and I am not far off such an achievement myself, without having to encounter old demons face to face.

I'm still not decided on how this all makes me feel...

In early 2007 Phonic Rapture were still together. We had released an album on a very small independant record label, we had toured a lot, and we had just recorded a single/EP. The idea was to release the single/EP ourselves, and tour heavily, in the hope that all the groundwork we had done would help the single/EP get noticed and we could sign to a slightly larger label than we previously had - one that would help us take the next step up the ladder.
Some people in the group had higher expectations than what would actually happen, images of a life of luxury, but I understood that there would be a lot of hard work in getting the interest of said label, and even when they signed us there would be more hard work to come.

We managed to get a few labels looking at us, and for a split second it looked like things were going to pay off. However, over the next few months while we were organising the single/EP release and the chunky tour, it became evident that there were people in the band who could not be bothered to do any work - and they made it clear that if we did get picked up by a label, they wanted to do even less than zero work, rather than more, which was what was needed.
We played shows, people from labels came to see us - and, while they were civil, they were unimpressed with the overall attitude of the band towards said hard work.
It became more and more obvious that we were going nowhere fast, and I pulled the release of the single/EP, the band split up.

One of the labels who talked to us and showed an interest has just signed up a friend's band. They are playing some very big shows this year, and the label have commited to a single release and an album by the end of the year, so they are well on their way to making a real leap into the public consciousness. I imagine that, by the end of the year, they will be all over the pages of magazines, and getting all the Radio 1 airplay they need.
Two/Three years ago this would have boiled my blood - not because I have any problem with the band in question (as many people seem to think), they are all great guys, and some of them are close friends - but because it was an opportunity that I did not capitalise on. Part of me does still feel that slight bitterness, that if I had been in a band with the right people then it would have happened, but instead I was with a bunch of work-shy fools.

But, mostly, I am happy. I can watch from the side as a band I do admire can push themselves to higher rungs on the ladder, and they can hopefully achieve the success they rightly deserve for all the hard work they put into their career.
And the fact that I can be so happy for them lets me know that I am a much better person than I was three years ago.

The first four months of this year have been quite interesting, to say the least, and as today is my birthday I thought it would be a good time to take stock.

I started the year in fairly high spirits. Finally settled into the new flat after a nice relaxing Christmas and New Years, I had some time ahead of me to finish my assignments and get ready for Uni to start again. Then I got really ill. Same as the illness I had before Christmas started, only even worse. I was spending a minimum of three hours a day on the toilet, some days far more, and I was doubled up with stomach cramps from morning til night.
The doctors started looking into what was the problem, but before they could answer we recieved a letter from Environmental Health. Basically, the block of flats had been built without planning permission, and broke quite a few laws - the most important one being the state of the plumbing. The long story involves descriptions of Saniflo systems and bad connections, and has a lot to do with the nightclub underneath, but the short version is so much simpler - the waste pipes ran back into the cold water tank is the basement, so for three months we were drinking our own waste.
They did various tests on the water, all bad, and they pulled out the nozzles from our taps, which had all been corroded. The state of my insides was fairly similar.
The landlord did a bunk, and no-one could find him to find out what was going on. Between us, the council, Environmental Health, and the estate agents, there were three different names for him, two different phone numbers, two different addresses, and four dummy businesses. There was no chance of ever finding him.
So, we packed ourselves up, quickly found a new place, and got the frak out of Dodge.

The new flat is far superior, the lounge is twice as big, as is the kitchen. And there are three bedrooms instead of one, and all for the same rent. It is also back out in Sundon Park, a place I love living in for its convenience. It does mean more travelling for both of us, but it is a much better place to be. And it only took us a week to feel settled and at home, which was nice.

However, the stress of moving so quickly, the stress of having to pay for two moves in three months, and the stress of having to move house and complete four assignments in the same week almost killed me. It also almost killed my assignments, which I was not happy about.I ended up getting good results regardless (because I am, quite frankly, awesome), but the stress did not bode well.
I sank into a pretty deep depression for the whole of Jan/Feb and most of March, I didn't write anything new, I almost stopped making music too. The whole thing was really quite dark. i worked my way out of it, physically I got over most of it (although there has been some permanent damage to my stomach), and mentally I managed to drag myself out of the funk, get writing again, and started working on music again - but it did involve another radical shift in my priorities. Some things had to be cut out of my life, as I had ended up taking too much on, and some things had to be re-thought.

I have dropped a couple of musical projects - most importantly it looks as though Inertia Falls is dead and buried. We've been working on a demo for over a year now, and it is still not finished, and I just can't be working on something that has that level of inactivity. Lack of forward motion frustrates me and eventually brings me right down. It is a shame, as the songs are really good, but if we are doing nothing with them then that becomes a moot point.
Third Law has become much more interesting than I thought it was going to. Originally I joined the group as a 'voice for hire', as they needed a singer and I needed something that would keep my voice in shape with regular rehearsals. But the gigs have been fun, I have helped out on the songwriting where it needed it, and we have ended up cutting an album that I am damned proud of - it might even be better than the Phonic album as a whole, but I want to give it a while before I actually sit down and compare the two properly.
I also have a couple of acoustic projects that should arise this year - one is very very old (pre-Phonic) and one has arisen recently.

Bridging the gap between music and writing - the editor of the Local Music Fanzine has decided to hang up his quill, and I am taking over form him. It's gonna take a lot of work to get it back up and running smoothly again as he really had the life sucked out of him (Luotn and its wonderful apathy), but I am looking forward to the challenge.

My writing is in full force again - assignments for May are coming along nicely, and I have re-entered the world of working on my novel. Still on track to have the first draft done this summer.

Things with Nem are going really well, there is much future talk going on, and we agree on pretty much every plan we come up with, which is nice. My career is planned out, and I know how I want to proceed from option A though to option D depending on how things work. I like being organised, it helps relieve the stress.

To put things simply, the year has started as a complete mess... But now that my birthday has arrived I feel much more in control, and I look forward to the rest of the year as a wholely positive thing
After all, nothing life can throw at me now can be worse than drinking my own poo.

So far this year I have been awful at updating.
I am usually awful, but this year I have been even worse.
It has been a somewhat rough year, with smatterings of excitement and happiness.
In two days I turn 29.
Then I shall update on the state of my life and see where it leaves me.

Till then...

We've had to move, so I find myself without internet properly till (hopefully) tomorrow. The reasoning for moving is long winded, but basically the building we were in had gone up without planning permission and broke 10 different building regulations, mostly involving plumbing.
I was quite ill.

Silver lining is that we have ended up with a new flat that is twice the size of the other one, for the same money.
Assuming internet gets switched on tomorrow I'll post some photos, and a full update of what happened.

In the meantime, here is a random meme stolen from facebook.




1. I have been reading everyone do this thing for the last couple of weeks, and have been waiting for someone to actually tag me so I can do it. I know I didn't need to be tagged to do it, but . . . I did need to be tagged - a) This is proof that I am a stubborn attention seeking bastard. b) I was not tagged by people I thought would, but was tagged by someone I thought wouldn't.

2. I over-think everything.

3. Chuck Lorre (creator of Two and a Half Men and The Big Bang Theory, and writer of the TMNT theme tune) has written an essay explaining his route to being a successful TV writer - in it he says "Don't start as a sitcom writer. Find something you love more than life itself and then fail at it. Once the reason God put you here has been revealed to be a cruel hoax, you'll be a better team player" . . . I think this is possibly the best advice anyone has ever given me, and I take it entirely to heart.

4. Regardless of fact 3, I still continue to write and record music, even after utterly failing at making a career of it - in fact, I think the fact that I don't do it for anyone other than me now means I am writing the best songs of my life.

5. Inside myself I am very confident of my abilities, and the fact I can pick anything up in a very short time if I want to . . . this confidence is wrapped up in a layer of terrible insecurity that I am entirely wrong, and everyone who told me I was useless as a child was actually right . . . and this layer is covered over with a sheen of arrogance that leads to most people tinking I'm a cunt.

6. My friends seem to fall into two categories - the people who I try to talk to often, but never have any time for me . . .and the people who often try to talk to me, but I never have time for them. Both things irritate me a lot.

7. I spend far too much time, and money, in charity shops buying books I will never have the time to get round to reading.

8. My doctors tell me I have Rheumatoid Arthritis, but nothing they do for me seems to help in any way, and they often seem to be wrong. To this day I wonder why I am always in so much pain.

9. When they seemed to kill off Starbuck in series 3 of Battlestar Galactica I actually cried harder than when any member of my family has died.

10. I show 27 documented obsessive compulsions, and have been told by my psychiatrist that my OCD is quite severe - but the NHS will not do anything to help with that because "I am not a danger to society"

11. I love beards, and that is the main reason for my immense one. The other reason is because I hate my face.

12. In fact I hate almost every single inch of my body. Regardless of what anyone might tell me, I am convinced that I am not attractive in any way.

13. On the flip side of that, the only part of my body that I am 100% happy with is my cock - my pride of this is borderline obsessive, and has gotten me into trouble on many an occasion as I am an attention junkie.

14. was my jersey number when I used to play basketball - I used to have game, and if I lived anywhere else I would have had a future. Instead I gave it all up for beer and laziness.

15. I am still unsure of the path I am going to take in life, but the last year has been the first time that I have been confident that there is one there.

16. I hate people. This is quite a strong statement, but is true. On a one to one basis, or a small gathering I am ok, but too many people at once and I get very nervous - this is why I am usually to be found on a stage, in a DJ booth, or tucked away in a corner sat by myself.

17. It still amazes me how many people claim to hate Sci-Fi and Fantasy . . . yet they all watch Lost every week, and went to the cinema to see Batman/Iron Man/Hancock etc. Minds need to be made up.

18. People continue to tell me that I will never earn a living from doing something I love. Except for the people who are currently earning a living doing what I love - they tell me, and prove to me, that it is possible. And for this, I love these people.

19. Many men have accused me of getting it on with their girlfriends, and each time I have never touched her. I have got it on with people's girlfriends, and none of those men have ever suspected it. I am British, and love irony.

20. Thankfully I am now in a relationship with the only girl I have ever been able to see myself growing old with, and hopefully my reckless past will not ruin this.

21. I continuously live in fear of her leaving me, and that fear often cripples me to the point of smothering her.

22. One day I want to build my own house. Far from Luton

23. A decade ago i weighed 9st, now I weigh 18st. It amazes me that in 10 years I have doubled my size, and scares me a lot.

24. "Mo delivers the bacon, and the L-Train hammers it home" . . . I am 50% sickened and 100% happy that I know what that means.

25. I watch too much porn, and it shows in how I talk to some people.

So, I am spending the morning of January 2nd working on a short story and watching the Hornets school the Wizards, recorded from Tuesday night. There is a huge pile of washing up waiting for me, and I have to spend this afternoon at a funeral for a man who was somewhere in that grey area between good friend and acquaintance - we didn't see each other often, but when we did it was a good day/night.

Seems as good a time as any to come on here and have a catch up.

We are nicely settled in the flat, it really feels like home - especially now we've had Christmas and New Years here - and I'm loving having my own space. I'm getting a lot of work done, and have a TV again, which might seem small but really makes me happy.
For those of you curious, here are some badly taken photos taken on moving in day:

Our corridor of many doors


Our bedroom


Our almost identical lounge


Our shiny kitchen


Our enormous bathroom


A boiler cupboard, that we have filled with junk now


It looks a lot nicer now we have filled it with our stuff, but the act of taking photos on my camera and then putting them on the computer to be uploaded here takes far too long, and I am lazy when it comes to photos - there are entire periods of my life that have no photos at all.

The festive period has gone well, apart from catching up with family and a couple of friends, we have just been staying in and enjoying the peace and quiet - I worry that I am getting old, then I remember that I like it this way and really can't be bothered to deal with too many people at once. My 'age' has also been confirmed by the fact that well over half of my presents this year were kitchen/cooking related.

Anyway, in an attempt to bring some order to this entry (and to help me have a good start to the year so I can try and keep this up to date this year) I thought I'd steal a set of questions from my favourite (adoptive) northern redhead.

1. Was 2008 a good year for you?

Yes - in fact, it goes down as one of my best. There was a lot of unneccesary roughness over the summer, but everything since then has been superb, and the first half was good too.

2. What was your favourite moment of the year?

There have been a couple, the first proper night in the flat was good, cooking dinner and settling down to a film. Sitting down with my course leader and having him talk to me about PhD options and what he expects out of me, even though I'm only in my second year, that was nice. It was also really good to get back into the studio with Justin (who produced the Phonic album) - I wasn't recording my own stuff, only doing vocals for a local band (www.myspace.com/thirdlaw), but just the act of going in there reminded my how much I love writing and recording. And it lead to me and Justin discussing getting started on my solo stuff this year, probably gonna put an EP together at Easter time.

3. What was your least favourite moment of the year?

Family holiday in a caravan in August. Should have been a great week, but hostilities with Mother lead to it just being a really uncomfortable week.

4. What are your plans for 2009?

Do really well with Uni - I averaged a B+ in my first year, but all 8 assignments were left till the last minute . . . The four in May I wrote in the 24 hours leading up to the hand in time. I'm aiming for straight As this year, and if I end up with less than that then I will feel like I've let myself down.
I also have a novel started, which I'm dipping in and out of, so I want to get the first draft done and dusted over the summer if not before.
Musically, I want to get an EP released (there are a couple of labels interested once I've actually recorded it), and start work on a complete album.

5. What countries did you visit?

None this year

6. What date in 2008 will remain etched in your memory?

October 6th was when I picked up the keys for the flat.

7. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Managing to pull out a clutch of Bs for the 24-hour assignments was quite an achievement, but I'm not proud as I shouldn't have left it all to the last minute.
I'm actually quite proud of myself for managing to get settled in the flat, it is a big step.

8. What was your biggest failure?
Time/work organisation. Keeping the peace between Nem and Mother. Getting something recorded with Inertia Falls (although, that is not my fault), being organised with money.

9. Did you suffer any illness or injury?

I had some major flu/stomach bug while I was in the studio with Third Law, and I got stabbed in the side by a rusty wall bracket over Christmas, prompting a trip to hospital to be patched up and have my tetanus shot done.
Other than that, been having a lot of trouble with my arthritis and some bronchitis, but that is standard.

10. What was the best thing you bought?

Christmas presents have involved a coffee maker and a DVD recorder, bot of which have dramatically improved my life, but I didn't buy them. Best thing I have bought has probably been a set of bookshelves/units. It's not exciting, but they turned the lounge into a lounge, as opposed to having stacks of stuff everywhere.

11. What was the best thing someone gave you?

The aforementioned coffee maker

12. Where did most of your money go?

Paying for the flat, helping Nem though her two jobless periods, and Amazon

13. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Going to see Eels, and Matchbox Twenty.

Meeting Meatloaf, who looks worrying like he is my dad


Actually getting to listen to Chinese Democracy, I don't care about the haters, it is an amazing album

14. What songs will always remind you of 2008? (good or bad)

Baby Paradise - Third law
Sometimes You Have To Roll A Hard Eight - Inertia Falls
Better - Guns n Roses
Soulcreek - Black Stone Cherry
All I Want Is You - Barry Louis Polisar
How Far We've Come - Matchbox Twenty

15. Compared to this time last year are you:
a) Fatter or thinner? Fatter, cannot shift weight no matter what I do
b) Happier or sadder? Happier, more content is a good way to put it
c) Richer or poorer? A lot poorer, but I can live with poor for now

16. What do you wish you'd done more of?

Writing, both fiction and music - I did a lot of both, but I wanted to do a lot more

17. What do you wish you'd done less of?

Whinging, moaning, and procrastinating

18. How will you be spending Christmas?

As with Jess, I have done this too late, but I stole it form her, so that is to be expected. Christmas involved a lot of lazing around and eating, watching My Fair Lady, 50 First Dates and drinking - so it was good.

19. Which LJ users did you meet for the first time?

None - the ones I have met I met before LJ, and the ones I haven't met live abroad - although Suppi was in England for a while.

20. Did you fall in love in 2008?

Probably even more than I was, we are very happy.
I also realised that I had fallen in love a little with Starbuck, and cried when I thought she was dead - but that is TV, so it doesn't count

22. What was your favourite TV show?

Battlestar is the best thing on TV, without a doubt - but this year also showed obsessions with IT Crowd, Big Bang Theory, House, Inbetweeners, Lost (finally).

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

Nah

24. What was/were the best books you read?

I'm halfway through The Name Of The Wind by Patrick Rothfuss, which is fantastic. Other highlights were re-reading Northern Lights, and Good Omens, and:
King Rat - China Meiville
Reality Disfunction - Peter F Hamilton
Halting State - Charles Stross
Just A Geek - Wil Wheaton

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?

I've just discovered She&Him, Volume One is an astounding album.

26. What did you want and get?

A home

27. What did you want and not get?

An Inertia Falls EP

28. What was your favourite film this year?

Holy crap, there is a question. I'm gonna do a 2008 review of film in the next few days hopefully, which should answer this. But it's probably gonna be Dark Knight, bit hard to discount it really

29. What did you do on your birthday and how old were you?

I turned 28, which makes me lots older than Jess (I hadn't realised). I had a couple of nice meals out, and caught up with some people.

30. What one thing would have made your year more satisfying?

Getting a short story published, not happened yet, but it will

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?

Shorts, T-shirt and baseball cap. The same it has been for years really - I didn't move from shorts to jeans until well into December this year, which garnered some odd looks.

32. What kept you sane?

Nem, my headphones, and my laptop

33. Which celebrity did you fancy the most?

I still have a things about Scarlett, I still love Starbuck, and Jenna Fischer.
But the one who tickles me the most is Zooey Deschanel

34. Which political issue stirred you the most?

I would like to say the election, but my head was elsewhere when it was going on - so the thing that grabbed me the most was the writers strike. I know it doesn't involve politicians, but the effect it has had on all manner of different businesses is horrible.

35. Who did you miss?

Aaron, due to his intense flakiness I didn't actually see him in person all year. It would have been nice to see more of Rob too.

36. Did you treat somebody badly in 2008?

There are a couple of friends I haven't seen as much as I would like, and nowhere near as much as they would like - but no-one has been treated badly.

37. Did somebody treat you badly in 2008?

My Dad spent the summer ignoring every attempt I made to see him, but that is how he is, he drifts in and out. But I did need help at the time, so it was frustrating.

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned this year?

While some people will surprise you with their generosity, in all honesty the only person you can rely on is yourself.

39. What would you like to have in 2009 that you didn't have in 2008?

Some published work, and an Xbox 360

40. How many one night stands?

I am a very taken man. Besides, I'm far too nervous a man to be any good at one night stands

41. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year...

my beloved monster and me
we go everywhere together
wearing a raincoat that has four sleeves
gets us through all kinds of weather

she will always be the only thing
that comes between me and the awful sting
that comes from living in a world that's so damn mean

my beloved monster is tough
if she wants she will disrobe you
but if you lay her down for a kiss
her little heart it could explode

she will always be the only thing
that comes between me and the awful sting
that comes from living in a world that's so damn
mean

Move went very well, if very tiring. Unfortunately there are complications with getting my internet sorted, as there isn't an active BT line. I can't get Sky in (or anyone else for that matter) until there has been an active BT line for five days, and I can't get a line installed until I convince the landlord that the £129 charge is his responsibility, not mine.
I'll get there, but until then I am stuck with whatever snatches of time I can get on these here Uni computers.

Uni is going well though, the workload has tripled, but I'm loving it.
I'll update more when I have some proper free time.


PS- Happy Birthday to Suppi/Dusty, haven't been able to keep up with all the updates, but good to see things are going well.